she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
