girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
