I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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