If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
