well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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