I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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