help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
