He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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