That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I could fuck to npr.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
