What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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