After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
