And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
