Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
