I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
