Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
