thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
