I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
