Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
