I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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