I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
