So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
