my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
