It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
