kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize