he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
