I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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