i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
