return my video game
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
