Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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