they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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