Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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