I wish my penis had an off switch
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize