If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
