im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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