Don't make out with my wife yet
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
