Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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