Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
