I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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