Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
