I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
