Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
