I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
