I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
