oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
