dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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