....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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