In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
