I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
