I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
