i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
