Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
