I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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