Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
