Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
