dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
