Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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