dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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