i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
