Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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