I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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