How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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