my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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