so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
