I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
