They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
