I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
