Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
