Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize