found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
