I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
