He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want her autograph on my taint
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
