I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
