Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
