I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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