margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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